New day, new piece. Trigger warning: this one is called Consent and that's what I want to talk about here.

 

This piece of abstract art talks about the right and the fundamental need for each one of us to have their own bubble, their own private space, their own limitations and safe spaces. All around me I see this tendance to not respect that bubble. To diminish the intrusion. To cover it under "everyone does that". Weather it's touching the belly of a pregnant woman or pushing the wheel chair of a person with mobility issues or asking (forcing) a child to give a kiss to their uncle or something much worse. I know women and children are particularly vulnerable, but men also. No matter the intention behind, it is a transgression of our inner space, of our safe space.

 

We were taught as children that we don't need to consent. That it doesn't matter if you don't want it or like it. You have to do it. "Give me a kiss", "come here so I can kiss you". Those are injunctions, not choices. And when you don't teach children that no means no, adults will transgress in more violent ways. In less innocuous ways. And that leaves marks and needs a lot of time and care to heal.

 

I've built walls around me. A few weeks ago, a friend reminded me that I said "I don't like to be touched". Now I see that it's not true. I like it, it can be healing, soft, reassuring to do something as simple as holding someone's hand. But it can also be scary, daunting, hurting. That's how I feel it. So I don't mind being touched WHEN and WHERE I agree. And that can vary depending of my level of tiredness or my mood or my emotions. And it's not a critic on your behaviour or value. Sometimes I just need my space and that doesn't reflect anything on whoever is with me. And that's ok.

 

So let's make sure we ask for consent. I always ask my children if they want a kiss or hug and sometimes they say NO. No explanation necessary. No justifications. No follow up questions. Just "OK". And if sometime I forget and my daughter tells me "I didn't want a kiss" I apologies. "You're right, I'm sorry, I should have asked".